A Nightmare

 I woke from , what for me is, a recurring nightmare, although it is very mild compared with what most people would class as a nightmare. I think I am slightly claustrophobic , so it's a manifestation based on that.

Earlier this week I dreamt I was in a house and many of the rooms had no windows, big buildings with no windows I find, creepy, rooms with no windows creepier because you are inside.

The latest was for some reason I was holidaying in the far north of Scotland (which I would like to do) , and while being shown around the place I had to squeeze past the host in the doorway to the "main room" and then felt even being there it was too small to get out. It's this situation where you are at the risk of getting stuck and unable to free yourself and often have variations on that theme, though I always manage to get past the difficult part.

In real like it reminds me of the ascent of Scott's Monument in Edinburgh which manged to combine my claustrophobia with vertigo, but I managed to do that and got some great photographs, and to be honest, my body size is not increasing, so once this lockdown is dealt with (if that happens) I may do it again. Similarly the "gateway to Cow Hill from Grandstand Road is a very tight squeeze for me , although I could climb over or through the fence.

I don't like small caves or underground tunnels and when I see these cavers squeezing through holes , often also underwater it sends my blood cold, I think that happens in the film "The Descent" , which for me is a real horror film.

Other nightmare scenarios are being up high and having to traverse gaps in stairs or ladders to go up, knowing you have to do the same coming back.

The thing is, with all these nightmares, I either get through it or wake up, and with tonight's , because I am on a staycation, I can write about this at 3:30 am knowing I don't have to get up at 5:45 as usual. Every day is like a Saturday , although today I have to go to Newcastle University to help with research into my Cirrhosis of the Liver so it won't be just lying around doing nothing, listening to music , read or playing.

So something dark to accompany this post, or maybe not. I'm been listening to a lot of Chris Rea recently and maybe "Nothing To Fear" is a more suitable piece to sign off with. I just posted a Youtube video of some of his amazing album packaging here, although some people may think that Chris Rea's music is a nightmare but given his prodigiously good output I can forgive "Driving Home For Christmas". 

It is now 4:10 am

Isn't Life Changed

So the UK moves towards a sort of lockdown, with too many people think that they are OK. I THINK I am Ok but I don't KNOW that I am OK, and that is probably true for everyone not showing symptoms. My posts will probably address the situation for the near future, but I am thinking this may never be over. Even if COVID-19 is dealt with there may be something more virulent waiting round the corner.

On the other the other hand many forms of Cancer are curable , as a kid that was it , AIDS , SARS etc have all been faught successfully so COVID-19 is just another battle to be fought.

We need to keep away from people we don't know (sounds like advice you give to children) but many adults seem to be just ignorant of this. I had to take a bus today , there was one other passenger on the bus so sat well away from them. Then someone else got on the bus, sat on the seat in front of me (plenty of others further away to choose from) and got on the phone to berate someone about the fact that the person they were phoning needed to make sure they kept away from others. Luckily my stop was next so I went to the front of the bus to distance myself and get off to renew my driving licenses.

Sharing "Isn't Life Strange" by The Moody Blues which seems vaguely appropriate for these times. One of my biggest worries is actually keeping my steps up, though I don't see us being confined to houses , just confined to as little interaction with people we don't know as possible.

Today I had a phone consultation re my Cirrhosis of the Liver but I know the consultant well and that was fine. We may find we don't have to travel as much. I remember the shock of someone at work saying "Maybe I shouldn't be travelling to London every day for a one hour meeting. My jaw dropped. Some people are either unbelievably stupid or selfish or both.

From 77

Yesterday I recording what was going to be my next blog post, but due to a headache and other stuff last night I went to bed early and will try and use that later today.

This morning I have a hospital appointment for my Cirrhosis trial which has been going on for many years and thanks to this making me aware of my situation it means that my body is still fully functioning if not perfect. You can find all the posts on this if you click on the words or the associated tags.

Tomorrow I have a 7:40 doctors appointment which I do roughly each month as it allows me to officially check my weight and blood pressure, and if anyone is going to help you with your weight loss it's a good doctor and practice and mine is Thornfield Medical Group. who I have been with for twenty years and they have always been brilliant. Despite the nefarious attacks of our current government , they and our whole NHS have always been brilliant.

So I now need to get out of the house, the footpaths are frosty, it is cold, and when I finish at the Freeman Hospital, I need to go to work and sort out data for another idiot HMRC made up requirement going back over ten years running on a network is really not fit for purpose.

So again reading "On Some Faraway Beach" I saw "Love Goes To Building On Fire" and that is this mornings share.

Enjoy.

Pre

Well I've just packed a bag with stuff to keep me occupied while not moving on the hospital bed today. Just as a precaution, no contact lenses, which is just a little annoying but means if I decide to sleep it's easier.

I finished Neil Gaiman's "American Gods" which I found a fairly hefty novel, and very readable but at times seemed to be a couple of books that had got mixed up with each other, but a good read and I did keep seeing Ian McShane as Wednesday (which only makes sense if you have read the book or seen the TV serieas on Amazon Prime if you have it).

Next up, which is in my bag, is Matt Haig's "How To Stop Time" which has a very intriguing concept, so I think I have a hell of a lot to keep me occupied today. I may Instagram and post on Facebook during  the day.

I've done various other posts about the Liver Biopsy and Cirrhosis of The Liver so if you follow the tags you can chanck out what this is all about, and why it's actually happening.

Weatherwise it looks like another hot day but I know it will be cool enough in the Freeman today.

The first song related to today was "Lady Godiva's Operation" by The Velvet Undergoundso I will leave you with that while I get ready to wander off to the Freeman.

Mistakes

This morning I was at the Freeman Hospital sorting out drugs for my cirrhosis of the liver condition, and in the course of the encourt I gave an armful of blood and a urine sample. ALl seemed fine and normal and I went on my way back to work.

I then got a phone call, which was cut off asking if my blood sugars were OK , as I had just given samples I thought it was odd that they were ringing me so quickly which would imply there was a problem. I tring calling the number back and found out it was a practice I had never had anything to do with. They said it was probably the Diabetic Clinic who had changed their number but it had been set up wrong so they can all the phone calls. It turned out it was the Diabetic Clinic enquiring if my blood sugars were OK as I had drastically reduced my insulin intake (much to the apparent chagrin of the stand in consultant). I told them all was good and that seemed to be enough for them.

My mistake was making teh assumption that the phonecall was a direct result of the hospital visit. The thing is , we always assume the most logical (in our own minds) reason for an event, ad obviously a medical phone call would be about my hospital visit this morning.

I was wrong.

On that note it's time for bed and the song has got to be "Wrong" by The Archers of Loaf from the excellently titled "Speed of Cattle" album. Sleep well all.